Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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