I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
