Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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