Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
