I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
