I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
