is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
