I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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