then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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