Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
