if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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