My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
