you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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