she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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