Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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