I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
