I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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