Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
