Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
