fuck your aforementioned shoe
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We are two peas in an std pod
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
