My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
