a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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