I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
