She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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