i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
