the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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