When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
