this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
