i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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