Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you traded sex for a burrito?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
