I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
