Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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