know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want a musical about memes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
