Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
