I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
