I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
