so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
