ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
