There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
