just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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