after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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