Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize