So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
