dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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