Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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