your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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