He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
