dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
