WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
