that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
