I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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