I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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