After last night, I could never be a politician.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize