Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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