The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
