nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
