just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
