I want to make a zoo with you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
