I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
